


Don't Do A Hit

by optionalposter



Series: Michael and Jeremy Stumble Into a Happy Life [1]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alternatively: Michael has a bad day and Jeremy is still kinda fucked up, Blood is present, But things will get better I promise, Face Punching, Gen, Hugs are also gonna be here, Hurt and comfort, Punching, not a lot of it, post squip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 02:16:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11453880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/optionalposter/pseuds/optionalposter
Summary: Jeremy continued to spill out apologies and pleaded to let him prove how sorry he was. “Even if you never want to see me again, if you wanna stop being friends…” comes from Jeremy and Michael doesn’t want that. He just wants… what does he want? His mind is collapsing in and he just wants it all to stop so he opens his mouth and almost yells, “I wanna punch you.”Before he can even think of what he just said Jeremy responds automatically with, “Sure.”Jeremy looks like he’s been promised water after days of wandering a sandy desert. Michael can’t believe he actually said yes. Everything stops for a minute and his brain feels so slow. He has to take a step back from all of this information and emotion that is crashing in. Jeremy couldn’t have actually agreed to that.





	1. Jeremy Makes an Entrance and Michael is Not Happy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [contemptofthelearned](https://archiveofourown.org/users/contemptofthelearned/gifts).



> This is a companion piece to "Do A Hit" by ContemptoftheLearned! 
> 
> Can be read as a standalone. Her fic is set from Jeremy's point of view, and mine is set in Michael's.

Michael was having a shit day. That was the long and the short of it.

 

His mind had been running with a million responsibilities. A few hours ago, this morning – was it really this morning? The day had felt so long – he had woken up and decided that today things were going to work out. He’d fall into a new friendship at school or he’d start a new trend or at least get through it without being completely alone.

 

Cut to about thirty minutes into school and he had already failed his Mandarin quiz and seen Jeremy just pass him by in the hall with barely a hello from the other boy.

 

At lunch, he sat by himself in the cafeteria, hood up, with Jeremy nowhere to be seen. Which was dumb; he hadn’t sat with anyone for several weeks so he shouldn’t even be looking for Jeremy. He desperately wished to just book it to the 7-11 down the street for some comfort snacks, but the admins had already slapped him with a detention for trying to exit the school early.

 

Sitting in detention with nothing to entertain you but your own mind sucks.

 

When Michael was finally able to trudge home, he knew he should probably study. Failing quizzes was more fuel to the fire and maybe he should actually try to get some work done. But his dumb mind was running so fast he couldn’t concentrate. Listening to music just made him antsy. Playing his old games just made him worry about what else he should be doing.

 

So he settled for sitting on his bed, his chemistry notebook (half filled with absent-minded doodles) sprawled open, mostly forgotten, and his venting playlist filling the room.

 

He had been such a dumb idiot for thinking that getting rid of the squip would just return the world back to normal. Jeremy had finally talked to him again, a little bit, since the play. It had been two weeks though, and he still felt as lonely as ever.

 

His best friend kicked him to the curb at the first chance he got and Michael still couldn’t let that hurt subside. He didn’t know what he actually expected once he got Jeremy back to normal. He still felt like his heart was raging with hurt and betrayal, but was filled with numbing cotton at the same time. He doubted an apology from Jeremy would really make a difference.

 

So Michael continued to putter around his basement bedroom, kicking soda cans and old papers around for something to do. It was getting late. His parents had long gone to bed and honestly, he should try to get there too.

 

Not bothering to strip out of his pants, turn off a light, or even to move the junk from his bed, he curled up and just closed his eyes, letting the dark take him.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

He was restless. He clung to the whispers of sleep that surrounded him but they just weren’t enough to keep him from staying under. Michael knew he wasn’t conscious, but he could still feel as his body kicked and rolled over. Some part of him knew he was asleep, but his body wouldn’t get the message so he tossed and turned until he fell out of bed.

 

Great.

 

Now he was awake, and the promise of sleep just made his skin crawl. A great end to an awesome day. He wanted to scream, to yell, to do anything to get rid of all of this energy that had balled itself up right into his core. Michael settled for kicking at the sheets tangled around his legs. To fill time, he grabbed a Pepsi from upstairs.

 

As he kicked his way back down into his bedroom, however, he heard a clattering against his door, the one that led into the backyard. It sounded more like an animal stumbling into the wood frame than any knock a human would make.

 

Confused at what could possibly be making such a racket this late at night, he set his drink down and made his way across the room to the offending noise.

 

Unlocking the door and pushing it open revealed… Jeremy? He never came over this late… he hadn’t even been over to Michael’s house in months. Michael prickled at the intrusion, but as he took in the boy in front of him, he couldn’t help but release some of that tension.

 

Jeremy looked downright awful. He looked like he had been through a tornado just to get here – out of breath, his clothes practically hanging from his sweaty frame as he heaved breath after shaky breath. He was crying, and Michael had never been able to stand the sight of his best friend’s red eyes.

 

“What do you want?” He said, with more force than he was going for.

 

Words spilled from Jeremy in a storm that his mouth couldn’t keep up with; “Michael I’m so sorry it’s so late but I woke up and I realized that I hadn’t apologized for what a shitty friend I’ve been lately and I just-I f-felt like I had to tell you right now. I had to tell you before I forgot or I drowned in his voice and the darkne-“

 

“Oh, so you only apologize when it helps _you_ , huh?” He didn’t have the capacity to deal with this right now. It felt like every awful emotion he had was turned up to eleven and Jeremy looked more afraid than sincere and he just couldn’t handle any of this. “Typical. Night.” Michael grunted out as he turned to walk away.

 

Before he could even take a step, Jeremy is grabbing Michael’s arm. He jerks it away in reflex. His skin feels like it’s scalding and there’s just too much noise – “No! No, this isn’t about me! This is about you! A-and us! I just wanted to let you know that is was so wrong of me to do what I did!” That’s an understatement. Understatement of the year. But Jeremy sounds so lost and hasn’t Michael been waiting for this?

 

He turns around, and he wants to accept the apology. He does. A part of him has yearned for Jeremy to just come back and for everything to be simple smiles again. But another vindictive part of him - the one that wants to hurt Jeremy as much as he’s been hurt - scoffs, “If you’re so sorry, why’s it taken you weeks to come over here? It’s not like I’m hard to track down.”

 

Jeremy looks conflicted. He looks so pleading and a million things cross his face in one second and the longer he hesitates the more Michael begins to see red. He feels like a string wound so tight as the noise of his heartache and his stupid feelings surround him but he’s been aching to have these questions answered.

 

“I know, I know, I have no excuse,” Jeremy begins. How could he have no excuse? What could have possibly made him throw twelve years of friendship in the garbage?

 

“I didn’t even think about it ‘til right now and even that’s shitty of me and I’m an awful, terrible person and an even shittier friend but I just wanted you to know that all that shit I did and said wasn’t about you.” That’s the second time Jeremy has said something disturbingly self-deprecating and if Michael had more presence of mind he would say something about it.

 

“It was all me and none of it was true Michael. Y-you’re perfect and wonderful and the best guy a person could know and I took that for granted like _always_ and I just needed you to know.” How could any of that be true? How could Jeremy think he’s so great but cast him aside? None of this was answering his questions and was just adding fuel to a raging inferno.

 

He snapped. Jeremy continued to spill out apologies and pleaded to let him prove how sorry he was. “Even if you never want to see me again, if you wanna stop being friends…” comes from Jeremy and Michael doesn’t want that. He just wants… what does he want? His mind is collapsing in and he just wants it all to stop so he opens his mouth and almost yells, “I wanna punch you.”

 

Before he can even think of what he just said Jeremy responds automatically with, “Sure.”

 

Jeremy looks like he’s been promised water after days of wandering a sandy desert. Michael can’t believe he actually said yes. Everything stops for a minute and his brain feels so slow. He has to take a step back from all of this information and emotion that is crashing in. Jeremy couldn’t have actually agreed to that.

 

Jeremy’s face falls just a bit at the hesitation and he continues, “I-I won’t move I promise! Or try and stop you or tell anyone I swear. Whatever it takes, Michael.”

 

He knows that he’s holding Jeremy’s entire world at this moment and everything just stops. He can’t take this. He just wants to go back to feeling numb. It’s so much and before he knows it he’s throwing his fist at Jeremy’s face.

 

The punch connects right with Jeremy’s nose and it feels so liberating. It feels so euphoric that he sees himself reel back and land another punch straight to Jeremy’s stomach. That knocks the other boy down to his knees and desperately trying to take in air as blood dribbles from his nose and Michael can’t even recognize him. He just feels years’ worth of disappointment, of every bad grade and every bully’s remark, of his entire world abandoning him. He kicks the boy down to the ground because he can.

 

Michael falls onto the boy and he can’t help another fist aimed right for his cheek. The tension of an entire lifetime of being a nobody finally – _finally –_ leaving him.

 

Michael breathes as his fists stay clenched. The screaming in his mind is finally dying down. The ache in his heart is still there but for a moment he just stays there, on his knees, as he finally starts to calm back down.

 

“You can keep going,” Jeremy breaks the silence.

 

That’s right – he just punched Jeremy. He just punched the kid he has known his whole life. Jeremy’s face is an absolute wreck of red and pale white, broken skin and why is his blood so _red_ and Michael’s fist matches the same shade of red and he might be sick. He clutches his hands close to his chest, to keep himself from making this any worse.

 

He just beat up the little boy who used to come crying to him about his bullies. He just beat up the most nervous and kindest boy he knows. Jeremy may have been a shitty friend but here he was trying to _apologize_ and Michael just assaulted him because he’d had a bad day. _He just punched the only guy to ever accept him for who he was._

 

A lifetime of happy moments – of Michael talking endlessly about the latest documentaries, of Jeremy cheering him on at hack-a-thons, of the two of them arguing over the last handful of chips, of Jeremy being the one person in the world he could have said anything to – flashes before Michael.

 

The ache is back with a vengeance in his chest and it _hurts_ but this time it’s guilt from the fragile boy that he just broke and how could he ever –

 

“Michael, are you alright?” 

 

No. No, Michael isn’t alright and he’s not sure if Jeremy’s reaching hand will cause him to feel better or worse so he jerks back into a standing position.

 

Jeremy is sitting back up, still looking absolutely pathetic and desperate and sincere as words tumble from him, “Was that enough? Do you need more? I promise Michael, whatever it takes to prove – “And these are all the wrong words and it just makes Michael realize how badly he fucked up as his eyes sting and before he can think he has Jeremy wrapped in a tight hug.

 

Jeremy lets out a quiet sob and leans into the hug and now it’s Michael who can’t stop his mouth from spilling out apologies, “Jeremy, oh my god, I’m so sorry! I’m so _so so sorry!_ ” Michael just clutches his best friend tighter and he knows Jeremy is probably dripping blood onto his jacket but he can’t stop himself.

 

It’s been so long since he’s had Jeremy right here and he _fucked it up_ but he has to make it right. He had forgiven Jeremy long ago. He had forgiven Jeremy from the moment he had screamed he was sorry backstage at the play because he had seen how hard the boy had to fight for that control. Michael had forgiven Jeremy as he saw his best friend completely isolate himself at school. Michael had seen how messed up Jeremy still was and he had just clung to his anger because it was easier to.

 

Michael breaks the hug and suddenly he’s exhausted. When he looks at Jeremy, though, he sees everything wrong with himself in the boy’s bloodied face.

 

Carefully, Michael pulls Jeremy to his feet and they walk together to the bathroom. It’s quiet as Michael runs the faucet and wipes all of the blood and tear tracks away and does his best to bandage what he can.

 

Jeremy is so quiet and he’s sitting ramrod straight but he looks at Michael like those punches have saved him and Michael is so numb that he just works on impulse.

 

After Jeremy is finally back to looking almost like a human being again, Michael walks him to the front door and can’t help but pull Jeremy in for another hug. It feels empty to him, but he hopes it at least lets Jeremy feel more at ease.

 

As soon as the door is shut, however, Michael just wants to collapse. He manages to make it into bed – lights still on, still wearing his bloody jacket and uncomfortable jeans, but he’s too tired afford himself any more comfort.


	2. We're Not Broken.

He can’t possibly go to school. There’s no way that Michael could ever imagine dragging himself to school today. It’s true that he was finally able to fall into a restful sleep after…

 

Well. He slept. He’s not too tired to go to school. But every time Michael thinks about lifting his body from the bed, he feels weighed down by the dull ache in his chest. The guilt could eat him away.

 

A punch between bickering friends doesn’t have to be the end of the world. He and Jeremy rarely argued, and it had never devolved to fists. The only physical aspect their friendship ever held had been playful shoves and general clinging to each other. But a punch wasn’t that big of a deal.

 

But when the person responds by begging for more. The visceral image of Jeremy, bloody, desperately assuring Michael that he could take another hit… that would haunt him for a long time.

 

But he has to get up. He can’t fail another quiz. He can’t let all of this negativity keep him down. He has to act like a friend to Jeremy, because if he doesn’t start, they’ll both just continue to be miserable.

 

So Michael rises. He feels like shit, but he manages to change his pants. He throws a new t-shirt on, and decides maybe he should wear a different jacket today. One that doesn’t reflect how awful the night went. A trip through the bathroom, a false smile for his mom, and Michael is out the door creeping into his PT Cruiser and off to face another dreaded day.

 

But at least he’s not alone.

 

He’s finally over the anger. Finally past the loneliness. For the first time in a long time, he feels… weightless. He has a friend again, and Michael doesn’t feel like total shit. They’ve both been jerks to each other, but he’ll be damned if a month of being ignored and a punch can break apart their twelve year friendship.

 

The day passes slowly. It’s not too heinous, and the fog that had invaded Michael’s mind for the past week has finally been lifted. He felt a bit more comfortable to just let his classwork wash over him.

 

When Michael is walking to third period, he finally spots Jeremy. He won’t be passive anymore. If he wants his friend back, truly back, he has to put forth half the effort. Walking up to Jeremy’s locker, he tries as best as he can to look as cool as ever as he says, “Hey Jere, what’s going on?”

 

Turning to look at him, Jeremy starts his reply which is immediately lost on Michael. He registers that somewhere, Michael is chuckling at whatever joke Jeremy just said. But Michael can’t help but stare at the boy’s poor nose and cheek, which are both swollen and bruised. He can’t imagine how awful that must hurt. There’s no time to bring it up before the bell rings, so all Michael can really say as he resolutely tries not to stare at Jeremy’s injuries (not working) is, “I’ll see you at lunch, right?”

 

Michael has been missing a friend at lunch and that’s the best olive branch he can extend. Jeremy beams. It’s like he’s got the sun in his smile when he says, “oh, yeah! I’ll definitely be there!”

 

They both rush off soon after towards their respective classes.

 

* * *

 

As the lunch bell rings, Michael stalks his way down to the cafeteria to find Jeremy already seated at their old table. He’s sitting so straight and proper, but it also looks like he’s trying not to pant. It makes Michael’s heart clench. Jeremy is trying to repair this friendship, too.

 

Gestures matter. And Jeremy just ran to lunch so he could sit with his friend.

 

The period drags on initially, as the two of them struggle to find topics to talk about. It isn’t until Jeremy is floundering on talking about the latest episodes of _Dismissed_ that Michael remembers usually he’s the one filling silences while Jeremy listens.

 

Jeremy was always the one to listen to Michael. No matter what new phase Michael was into or what the latest passion was, Jeremy would start the conversation and just let Michael lead.

 

So, falling back into their old pattern, Michael takes the bait when Jeremy says, “I just don’t understand what Mrs. Gibbs wants from these labs, you know? They’re a total waste of time.”

 

The rest of lunch is spent with Michael explaining all of his latest YouTube binges. He’s just getting into a really good rant about spray-on medicated bandages when the bell chimes.

 

And for the first time in a great while, Michael doesn’t feel restless or weightless. He feels complete. He feels happy.

 

* * *

 

By the end of the week, they’ve stumbled back into the easy friendship they once had.

 

Here’s what happens when you spend a lot of time with someone; you notice every single minute change in them. They are still repairing the trust they once had, and they still dance around some heavier subjects. Jeremy is still dating Christine, and he had struck up a friendship with a lot of the people who had been in the play during the squip-cident.

 

Things had changed, and Michael expected that. He expected for Jeremy to be busier with his new friends. It hurts because it makes Michael wonder why he isn’t enough, but that’s just jealousy talking. He’s happy that his friend finally fits in. He figured Jeremy would be a bit different, but…

 

But there were smaller changes in Jeremy, too. He’d stare off into empty space more. Before, he was always nervous, which meant that he was constantly scanning the room and fidgeting. Now, he seemed quieter, more reserved. This wasn’t new confidence in himself, this was spacing out.

 

Sometimes Michael would catch Jeremy whispering something under his breath.

 

All of Jeremy’s old fidgets are gone. Last year, their gym teacher gave everyone a step-counter to wear to track how active they were. For an entire semester Michael just passed his off to Jeremy during class so the other boy could hook it to his constantly moving feet. Jeremy used to play with his hair until it looked like a bird’s nest. He used to beat out fantastic drum solos with his pens. But now… he was silent. Stoic.

 

Jeremy was now the picture of a good student, keeping his head up at all times with his eyes always on the professor.

 

And now, Jeremy was almost initially unapproachable. If he didn’t come up to talk specifically to Michael, Michael would think that the other boy was still squipped. He exuded the posture and stance of a jock, walking the hallways with confidence that Michael knew the boy would never have.

 

It was… unnerving. Michael had known the other boy for long enough to know he wasn’t comfortable around so many people. Michael wanted to see his best friend finally look more at ease at school but it was so _wrong_.

 

And the more Michael looked, the more he could just imagine some dumb tic tac occupying the space in front of Jeremy. At times, Jere wore the _saddest_ expression – like he would be stuck forever being miserable but trying not to show it.

 

That computer had _ruined_ … well. What had it ruined? Jeremy had always been outwardly anxious, and now Michael could see it was just internal. Their friendship was still intact. Jeremy had gotten friends. Even his dad was more active in being a parent.

 

Michael could feel unease rise in his chest, but he just couldn’t place why he felt like Jeremy still needed help. He settled for just tangling his headphone cords around his fingers as he sat through another dull lecture.

 

* * *

 

It’s been a week and the realization hits Michael like a freight train in the middle of his English class. The teacher is droning on about participles and the correct use of adverbs and Michael _gets it_.

 

The squip had fucked up Jeremy. The squip hadn’t ruined Jeremy’s reputation or his friendships or his confidence. It had ruined the boy himself.

 

What happens when a supercomputer meant to change you is implanted directly into your head? Of course it has the ability to manipulate your every line of thought until you are completely dependent on what it’s saying. The squip might have been off when Jeremy caused Michael to have the worst night of his life but it didn’t _have to be on to manipulate him_.

 

Michael had been trying to puzzle out all of the things that Jeremy had done and it didn’t make _sense_ because Jeremy would never sleep with a girl he wasn’t into. He would never have brushed off his best friend. Michael had known him for years and he knew as a fact, Jeremy was kind. He would never do those things, regardless of how much convincing was involved.

 

But if you have some _asshole_ computer program controlling what you think? When you think things? How you perceive situations? This isn’t a matter of what it told Jeremy to do or not do, it’s a matter of how it conditioned him to think.

 

Michael has this entire epiphany as he sits straight up in his seat. A new blast of energy, hot and angry and almost hopeless fear turns his face red and sets his heart into a marathon. He can feel his blood rushing through his veins and it takes everything he is to stay seated and not make an ass of himself.

 

How long has Jeremy been still hearing the squip? There’s no amount of coaching Michael could ever give the boy to stop him from listening to voices still in his head.

 

Jeremy was in control, that much was certain. But Michael could not even imagine how hearing something 24/7 could wear you down.

 

Michael wanted desperately to figure out what he could do. But right now, Mrs. Jenkins was giving him the stink-eye and he desperately needed to keep track of what was going on in class.

 

Filled with nervous energy and a heat he couldn’t place, Michael just sat there.

 

* * *

 

You see, once you have an epiphany - once you see something, you can’t un-see it. It’s like an optic illusion, once you’ve seen it one way it’s so much harder to see the other picture hidden in it.

 

To him, the dress had been blue and black. With this squip, however, it’s like he suddenly was able to understand how everyone thought the dress was yellow and white. He couldn’t stop noticing all of those little cues.

 

When Jere spaced out, he was always looking in a place that very clearly did not have an actual person in it. When he sat across from Michael in class, he’d make a move to twiddle his thumbs and then jerk his hands away from each other.

 

One day Jeremy had bent over to grab a fallen textbook and Michael had seen… _something_ on his back. Jeremy’s shirt had ridden up and there were definite lines crossing like circuits, like tangled wires, across all of the exposed skin.

 

Those hadn’t been there before.

 

Could that Satan in tablet form really have caused those scars? _How?!_

 

All of the constant reminders of a squip still messing with his best friend frustrated him. This wasn’t a hot anger, but rather a cold, hopeless regret. He didn’t think his blood could boil at each new revelation. This couldn’t be healthy, for either of them. He didn’t want to notice it anymore.

 

But Jeremy was his world. He had to keep an eye out for him. And every time Jeremy caught his gaze from across the classroom or in the hall, he couldn’t help but wish he knew how to fix it.

 

This wasn’t something that could be undone by a bottle of Mountain Dew Red.

 

A simple apology wasn’t going to suffice.

 

Jeremy had come back to him but he wasn’t all there. He still needed to be saved.

 

This was a problem that Jeremy had been struggling with for months and no one gesture would ever compare to days of mental abuse from that dumb stupid idiot virus –

 

“Michael, mind if I come over after school today?”

 

How did Jeremy get across the hall so quickly? Nevermind – Jeremy asked to come over. It’s the first time since that dreaded night and Michael had been missing having a full bedroom with the warmth of his best friend’s presence so naturally he responds.

 

“Sure, Jer! You up for a little Apocalypse of the Damned?” No matter what happens to his friend, Michael will be there. He’ll need time to figure out how he can help with the lasting effects, but for right now, some retro gaming is just what the doctor ordered.

 

“Maybe we can finally beat level 9!”

 

A night in with his best friend sounds like a heaven they both need.

 

* * *

Michael is so excited to hang out with his buddy again; his mouth is running a million miles a minute. He can hear himself get louder as he gets more enthusiastic. He bounces the conversation between some new secret lore he found out about Apocalypse to how zombies could never scientifically exist, and then to his latest woes in Mandarin.

 

Jeremy looks content and comfortable to just listen. That’s how he always used to be. The sight of him looking normal puts Michael more at ease as he sets up the gaming system in his bedroom.

 

He can’t help but notice Jeremy is fiddling with his hands in an old fidget he used to have. Maybe Michael doesn’t need to be so worried. Maybe everything will fall back into place.

 

He sets up the beanbags and is about to fall comfortably into one when Jeremy’s hand grabs his. Did he need something?

 

Michael turns to look at his best friend, who is now kneeling on the ground? What?

 

When he finds the use of his mouth again all he manages is, “Hey… Whatcha doin’ buddy?”

 

Jeremy’s wide eyes look back and every word he says just makes Michael’s heart crumble. “You’ve been mad lately. You look at me when you think I’m not paying attention. You look mad but when I look you just look sad. That’s – I just want to apologize. For – for whatever I said to make you mad!” Jeremy looks desperate. But as he continues on his voice trips over the words.

 

“I really didn’t mean it and I’m trying to figure out how things work without the squip but I’m sure I’m messing it all up and I-I-I just wanted to say I’m so sorry!”

 

Michael can’t even dare to take a breath. He’d been focusing so much on how to fix Jeremy he didn’t even realize what he had been projecting to him in the process.

 

Jeremy is staring at him as if he’s the world and Michael knows that’s not true. This room, this boy, these emotions are his world and it’s all fracturing in front of him. No – it’s not fracturing in front of him. Something’s always been wrong in this world. He is just able to see it now.

 

He can’t find the words. But he tries anyway. “No. No, no! Jeremy, you didn’t do anything. It’s-I’m not-“ What is there to possibly say? Jeremy isn’t at fault here. He’s never been at fault. “It’s not you I’m mad at!”

 

Jeremy’s face looks so confused and _why does he look so confused_ , “Of course I did! Everything is my fault so I want to make it up to you.”

 

There are so many wrong words in that sentence and Michael can’t even comprehend why it makes him so _sad_ to hear the broken words before he’s onto trying to understand what that last part means. Was Jeremy being mushy about coming over again? He’d always been someone to say his feelings easily.

 

But why is he on the floor? Why is he looking at Michael as if he’s asking for –

 

Michael’s heart stops. Jeremy can’t possibly be asking – he’s not seriously… is Jeremy asking Michael to _punch him again?_

 

Michael had felt a small knot of guilt in his stomach since that night that shouldn’t have happened. Things had gotten better afterwards but he had still felt awful that he had actually taken out his anger on his best friend.

 

Now he understood why.

 

Jeremy thought this was the right way to apologize.

 

It made Michael shake.

 

“Oh-oh my god Jer no! I’m-I’m not gonna-I shouldn’t have punched you the _first time!_ I’m not gonna beat you up _again!”_ He can hear his voice crack halfway through and it’s so loud but the boy in front of him looks like he just got slapped anyways.

 

“What? Why not? It helped last time, didn’t it? I swear Michael, _whatever_ it takes to make it up to you, to show you how sorry I am, I’ll do it!” The words are out of Jeremy’s mouth and Michael’s mind still can’t comprehend how Jeremy thinks this is _right what did he do?_

 

There’s not a single word he can think of to describe how _wrong_ this is so he just repeats, brokenly, “I’m not gonna beat you up, Jeremy!”

 

“ _Please!”_

 

“No!” It’s sharp and final and hanging in the air and he’s watching Jeremy’s red eyes spill with tears and how could he have fucked this up _so bad_. The squip wasn’t to blame. He was. Michael had trained his only friend to think that abuse was _okay_ and should be begged for. The forgiveness came in the form of pain.

 

This was too much and not a single word would ever fix this so Michael fell to his knees and wrapped his arms around the other boy. If Jeremy was expecting a rough punch, Michael would show him that a tight hug was what was right.

 

He tried to pour all of his love and reassurance into clutching desperately to his best friend but Jeremy still continued on. He sounded hysterical as apologies and begs poured from him: “Michael I’m sorry – so, so sorry! Please let me make it up to you; I don’t know-I don’t know what I _did_ but please! I’ll make it up to you!”

 

At this point Michael feels Jeremy squirm in the embrace so he lets go and is greeted by the wet, pained face of his best friend as his voice still breaks, clutching to his shirt, “P-please anything I’ll do anything! It didn’t even hurt that much last time. Not-not as much as the squip and this time it was for something good instead of bad and I swear I didn’t tell anyone and I won’t tell anyone _I promise_! I won’t fight back please, please forgive me!”

 

This is more than Michael can fix. He’s staring into the grief-ridden face of his best friend and he’s watching that friend fall apart right in his arms. Is this what Jeremy thinks of losing Michael?

 

The complete anguish that lines every boney part of Jeremy’s body could only be caused by someone who genuinely thinks if he’s not punched then he’ll lose his best friend forever.

 

Is this what Michael looked like weeks ago? When everything that mattered in the world ignored him?

 

This is so much bigger than anything Michael can tackle alone and he speaks without thinking.

 

“Jesus Christ.” He can’t help but hold Jeremy again. This time he forces them from their knees to a more comfortable sitting position and just wraps himself around Jeremy. Michael feels so deeply upset on behalf of his best friend and all he can do is just hold the boy together until he finds his footing again.

 

“You gotta get some help, man.” It’s out of Michael’s mouth and… well that’s actually a great idea. He can’t save Jeremy on his own. There are professionals for that. People trained to help Jeremy with whatever reprogramming the squip did. Until then all Michael can do is just keep the boy from falling any farther down this self-deprecating hole.

 

A quiet, broken, “whatever you want, please, whatever you want.”

 

When was the last time Jeremy acted on something _he_ wanted? When was the last time Jeremy was allowed to be selfish? Was the squip always telling him what he wanted? When did Jeremy ever introduce Michael to a passion of his own?

 

He couldn’t fight months of mental abuse, but Michael could give Jeremy a small push in the right direction. “Whatever I want, huh?” Michael couldn’t bring himself to talk any louder than a breathy whisper.

 

Jeremy was right here, for the moment. Michael’s mouth was right next to his ear and suddenly his hand was in the other boy’s soft brown hair.

 

“You know what would make me happy, Jer? It’d make me happy if we just sat here like this until you felt better.”

 

Jeremy didn’t say anything to that. But he finally fell into the embrace he had been kept in. He wasn’t relaxed, but he seemed to accept it.

 

He kept crying and whispering out awful words until they were all gone. Michael just sat there, his legs going numb but he’d give anything to hold Jeremy together. He nuzzled his face into the other boy’s neck and continued to just run his hand through Jeremy’s hair.

 

Michael finally had time to think. To really think.

 

He came to two conclusions.

 

First, that Jeremy needed to see a professional. The squip had done so much wrong and Jeremy had to learn – had to remember – that he was a valuable person. He was worthy of his own wants and needs and protection.

 

Jeremy wasn’t broken. He wasn’t some problem that Michael could research how to fix. The abuse that the squip had dished out, the manipulation, was something that Jeremy needed to learn to cope and deal with. And Michael needed to be there to remind Jeremy how valuable he was. Just like how Jeremy had made Michael feel like nothing else mattered.

 

And second, that Michael also needed to see a professional. In the hour that they sat there, he had sifted through all of his memories. He couldn’t recall a single time they weren’t attached at the hip before the squip.

 

What he could remember were his grades plummeting after the squip. He could remember drifting through life as if it lost its meaning.

 

He remembered the heartache of everything that mattered not being there anymore.

 

He remembered that his days at school were now just spent thinking of Jeremy.

 

That couldn’t possibly be healthy. He had never had a friend other than Jeremy. He had never had someone else to talk to. They had blurred together until the pair of them had become one fluid unit and Jeremy expressing any hint of wanting something more had sent Michael reeling.

 

He may be more comfortable in his own skin than Jeremy is. But as he sits and runs his fingers across Jeremy’s scalp, Michael realizes it’s because Jeremy has shown him so much appreciation. He never had to worry about how he looked or what he did, because he had always known Jeremy would go along with it.

 

Years of his best friend watching him with rapt attention as he showed off his latest obsession had been such a boost for Michael.

 

And that had made Michael feel right in the world. It had made him feel whole.

 

But it had let Jeremy suffer. And when Jeremy left it made him so frustrated that he took it out on his one friend as soon as he got the chance.

 

And it wasn’t healthy for Michael to constantly remember that he only had _one friend._

 

They both needed to talk to someone about their respective issues. They both had to get better. They weren’t broken.

 

Michael and Jeremy had never been wrong. But they needed to work through these things. If they wanted to be two separate entities, ones that felt good and happy in this world, they had to reach out.

 

For twelve years they had existed in a bubble that only contained the two of them and whatever Michael liked to do. Jeremy had popped that bubble with his own ambition, and now they needed to both learn to live in this world. Jeremy deserved to know his ambition and curiosity were valued.

 

They didn’t need to be isolated, they didn’t need to be rescued. They didn’t need a coach or to morph themselves into something new.

 

They needed to just get a helping hand with acclimating to this new world they had never interacted with before.

 

Michael would be there every step of the way. And when Jeremy was able to get better, he hoped they could experience this new life together. Not as a single unit, but as teammates.

 

Jeremy finally slumped down, completely relaxed in Michael’s arms. It seemed he felt better, and Michael did too.

 

His voice was rough as he uttered, “better?” He could feel Jeremy weakly nod against his shoulder. They had been clinging to each other for over an hour but Michael, and it seemed Jeremy as well, had no intention of moving.

 

Michael let the feeling of Jere pressed completely against him resonate for just a moment. He tried to make the other boy feel all of the warmth and love and comfort Michael had for him through their embrace. He hoped he did a good job.

 

Jeremy deserved it.

 

“How about we take a nap, huh?” Michael’s brain couldn’t handle the whiplash of emotion anymore and he figured that went doubly-so for Jeremy. The nod from his shoulder again signaled he was right, and that Jeremy probably also had no intention of moving.

 

Michael could feel the rumble of his chest as he whispered comforting words to Jeremy. But he was more intent on configuring the beanbags into a makeshift bed while still holding Jeremy close.

 

Michael wanted to talk about this later. He wanted to stop dancing around all of their problems. He didn’t want to just accept what he had been given like he always had. He didn’t want Jeremy to feel so alone with his thoughts.

 

But right now? Right now they could just take comfort in holding each other. They could deal with all of the dramatic stuff tomorrow.

 

And they would come out stronger, and as better people, in the future.

 

The last thought Michael had as he fell into sleep was that he couldn’t wait for Jeremy to be right there with him in that future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is! I think I might have gone a bit overboard with this story but Michael had a lot to sift through. Again, comments are appreciated! 
> 
> And I think I'll be making this a part of a series! Michael and Jeremy still have a long way to go but I definitely want to give them a lot more comfort and a lot more happy times. 
> 
> I definitely want to highlight that they aren't two broken boys. They just need to start a journey into making themselves better. I look forward to exploring that path with them.
> 
> Now for you! I hope you enjoyed. I definitely would love some prompt ideas (especially comfort stuff, I want to make these kids happy). Feel free to find my tumblr @Robotigirl to hit me up with all your comfort needs!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are appreciated! And I should have this finished up in the next day or so.


End file.
